30 Days challenge- Day 5

A time you thought about the end of your life.

Back in primary school and secondary school, I used to think about the end of my life.

I did try to commit suicide once, but I failed. It was really hurt and bad to hang yourself. Breathless, If you said your heart stopped beating because of being shocked, being sad or falling head over heels for somebody, then hang your head on the rope would be worse than that.

I found my life in a little black hole without any way to get out. I was in ruin, at least once in my early life. That’s why I never underestimate a kid’s thought. They are more sensitive than we think. Once being hurt, it could not be healed.

I was a good student at school. I’m now proud to say that, not in an arrogant way, but in a right way since I know what I got. My study has never bothered me much, but my individual life did. Beside school, everything to me was as hell. I didn’t tell much. I learnt how to suffer alone, how to stay calm, how to be strong and how to stop myself from crying out the tears. (Bad habit, I can’t even cry now, so just cry whenever you can!)

My life has never been stable. Some friends told me they want to have an exotic life likes this (too early to say I guess) but then what I have been through is absolutely not an interesting part. Everything has its price, I believe in that.

I’m growing old, and growing up. The changes, the environment, the relationships, the finance and the pains make me who I am today. I don’t want to talk much about myself as I have never wanted to. I have changed, physically and spiritually. However, the kid inside me has never gone away. It stays, long and last; and somehow it connects with the older me, they play the hiding roles together.

 It makes me realize how beautiful life is. I know it was stupid trying to end my life but then I never regret what I have done. They’re all treasures. 🙂

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