We always need some certain moments…

I was riding back home and got a text from you. Normally, i will find it is so hard to text you back even  your question is just a simple english or spanish sentence. But today, i barely want to answer it. Probably we cannot make each other happy all the time, even we want it or not, we all need a moment when our heart sings the same song. Well it is just a way to say it, but your certain moment should be for me…

I remember a good friend of mine said this ” No matter who you are, You are sensitive somehow. It might be the glue for the broken pieces, it might be the crush machine that makes things worse. But there will be no one could be that tolerate to forgive the person who let them down and lose their beliefs even once in their life. There fore, be a bit sensitive to protect you and people around you not to be hurt one day….”

Do you think over today when i don’t reply your text likes what i often do?….

Lo siento, after all this time, i need a real break…

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Đang đi học về bỗng nhận được một tin nhắn hỏi thăm, kiểu như là đang ở đâu, làm gì. Bình thường sẽ cuống lên không biết trả lời thế nào dù tin nhắn chỉ là một câu tiếng anh hay tây ban nha đơn giản. Nhưng hôm nay bỗng dưng chẳng muốn trả lời nữa. Có lẽ không phải lúc nào con người ta cũng có thể làm cho nhau hạnh phúc, dù có muốn hay không, cũng cần có một khỏanh khắc nhất định nào đó, mà nhân gian hay gọi là “khi hai quả tim chung một nhịp đập” :)) Chung một nhịp có lẽ là chuyện không thể, nhưng thật cần lắm một khỏanh khắc đồng điệu.
Bỗng nhớ tới một anh bạn thân từng nói với mình “Dù là gái, trai hay con gì đi chăng nữa thì nó cũng luôn có một sự nhạy cảm nhất định, đôi khi đó là cái chất hàn gắn, cũng có lúc nó là xúc tác tan vỡ. Nhưng chắc chắn không ai có thể đủ bao dung để tha thứ cho người làm mình mất niềm tin dù chỉ một lần duy nhất trong đời, vì thế, hãy nhạy cảm một chút, để không để một ai bị tổn thương oan uổng…”
Hôm nay, anh có nghĩ nhiều như vậy không?…
Lo siento.

There is a man inside me.

Being born chubby, i am not a skinny girl likes other Asian girl who can be super girlish in high heels or whatever they wear. Jeans, T-shirts, sport shoes and “man-attitude” are my best friends. I feel safe with that. I feel like there is no one but me could protect myself by being that way. I taught myself not to cry, to study hard in order to get what i want, to stand up for what i believe in, to be strong even if being alone, to be equal to men, and not let anybody look down on me. I have the pride of a men inside this female look.

I do love.

Who says men don’t  love?

A woman with a man’s head loves, too.

I have a wild heart in this young body, a girl inside me dances around whenever i see you, but the man stops her before she could say a word.

I cannot speak it out.

Shy?

Embarrassed?

High ego?

Call it whatever you want.

But i love you, and i could never be different.

Don’t be afraid if i ever take care of you likes your mother. Teach me how to love you in a sweet way.

Don’t be afraid if i ever be boyish, i’m just so lonely and up in the air. Hug me, and things will be alright. I might not be a kitten in your arms, but at least someone that always want to feel your heartbeat.

Dont’ be afraid if  i’m being so strong- physical and spiritual. I’m weak inside as well, there is always a place for you to play the hero role in my life. But you need to figure it out….

Will you accept me for who i am?

Will you accept this young wild girl with a man in head?

Let me know….

Breaking the rules

Breaking the rules

It was Picasso who said “Learn a rule likes a pro, then you can break them likes an artist!”

I’m not a big fan of him but i have to agree this “breaking rule” quote sometimes makes life more beautiful…

I break the rule today, studying my German lessons in politics class at the army camp.
I break the rule today, walking under the rain without umbrella then taking cold shower afterward.
I break the rule today, finishing all the ice in my glass while having a bad sore throat.
I break the rule today, using the male toilet instead of the female one as there are tons of women in that room and no one use the other one.
I break the rule today, talking about sexual things, marijuana and men while having lunch in front of some strange guys.
I break the rule today, learning nothing and take the exam.
I break the rule today, watching tons of videos on youtube about those hyperpolyglots instead of learning those languages i like.

Actually…
There is no rule at all, just me, just us put ourselves into those invisible molds or the social fence of the community.

And I realize…
I can study German so well in a strict atmosphere,
I can let my sadness go with the heavy rain,
There is no you to blame me for being stupid- not taking care of my own health,
I finally can cry my heart out under the cold shower,
I feel the equality among those Asian guys who often think they have a right to talk about big things, main things, dirty things, crazy things but ladies can’t. I liked it when they gazed at me curiosity with those tiny eyes. They have thought i am a freak! Feel like i have won the game lol Me gusta muchísimo!!
I got 70/100 for that exam without reading or studying anything for it. Bet i have the guessing skill!
And… i want to be a polyglot, i have always wanted to be one. I love languages, they sound fabulous! I have never mentioned about my goal but i break my rule today! One of my dream is becoming a polyglot!
And… I break my rule today, posting here a photo of my ridiculous face, smiling, in half. Happiness, sometimes cannot be full! (:

Be a thinking cat

I have never found myself  this lazy.

It is Sunday, funday and i don’t even want to go out with friends even i suppose to have several meetings with them today.

I cancelled them all…

For the first time ever, i want to stay home on a nice Sunday, sitting at my desk, reading.

I’m keen on reading, i have always been. I could read, whenever, wherever. Read, and think. I read, bite everything a bit. I read to forget the reality, to be a dreamer, to balance my life. Not to magnify but reading is very important to me, it makes me become a thinking cat…

Cats are kind a lazy, that’s my mood. They lay down, doing nothing, enjoying the flying time. They might think, they might not, who knows? But they will at least be a thinker cat, once in their life! Better to be a thinker cat that eats the gummyfishes. Be wild, be smooth, be cute, be lovable! Or at least pretend to be. It is the thinker cat inside me always wants to have good treats with sweets and toys. As long as i still want to have those köstliche Gummibärchen with you, the thinker cat is still with me, hiding inside, craving for any cute things in this world, literally.

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You have been a pain…

Friday,

Sitting at my desk, listening to the playlist in my Itunes, reviewing my German lessons and thinking of you at the same time- as i scare it will be faded with time if i don’t remind myself over and over again everything i have known.

You have been a pain.

“…It was in a party,

He was standing there, holding a beer, next to her. With alcohol, things were just easy to be spoken out. They talked, talked, over talked. Their relationship had been a bit complicated before, close but far, but then that night, she found the connection between them was strong than ever.

He said he once had some problems with his life, the sickness of his mom, the stressful work, the crazy and not so sensitive ex-girlfriend. He came to work in the morning with an empty head then came home at night, crying.

He-is-the-man-who-cries.

She was surprised, not because of this man who stood in front of her had been crying that much but because he said it, he said it out. Literally, she could not think of any better word. She asked “You cried?”…

She-was-just-a-growing-kid.

She has never forgotten any words of him that night, she remembers their kisses and their touches, she remembers it well. She remembers how fast her heart was while she was standing right next to him, it was not the first time they kissed, but it was just different, liked a real romantic scence of an ex(r)otic fairy tale.

She has never forgotten that feeling he talked about: unsure, unknown, stressful, out of control, exhauted.

She is just like that, now. He knows she will feel that way. He knows it well, plays it well…”

You have been a pain.

I remember you said this “No matter what you do, you will hurt, or get hurt”. There fore, i went for someone that worth my pain. There fore, i am here. There fore, i am being here, getting crazy with you but noone else.

I remember you said that i was not easy to please. Noone knows that but you. I didn’t let anyone know but you. Because you was different, because you are my pain…

Yes, you are my pain…

I probably could never forget you.  I have never been in love before. It took me such a long time to realize the feeling i got is love. It was just complicated and confused, and i have never wanted to stop caring for you. I think of you every single day, every single night, i miss you, even when you are with me; even in my sleep, you has always been there.I did love you, and i have never known it until now- when i feel this emptiness, loneliness and sadness deep down in my heart after you’ve gone. It is because you are my first love, the first one i ever really loved. You should know that, you should have known that…

You are my pain…