You have been a pain…


Sitting at my desk, listening to the playlist in my Itunes, reviewing my German lessons and thinking of you at the same time- as i scare it will be faded with time if i don’t remind myself over and over again everything i have known.

You have been a pain.

“…It was in a party,

He was standing there, holding a beer, next to her. With alcohol, things were just easy to be spoken out. They talked, talked, over talked. Their relationship had been a bit complicated before, close but far, but then that night, she found the connection between them was strong than ever.

He said he once had some problems with his life, the sickness of his mom, the stressful work, the crazy and not so sensitive ex-girlfriend. He came to work in the morning with an empty head then came home at night, crying.


She was surprised, not because of this man who stood in front of her had been crying that much but because he said it, he said it out. Literally, she could not think of any better word. She asked “You cried?”…


She has never forgotten any words of him that night, she remembers their kisses and their touches, she remembers it well. She remembers how fast her heart was while she was standing right next to him, it was not the first time they kissed, but it was just different, liked a real romantic scence of an ex(r)otic fairy tale.

She has never forgotten that feeling he talked about: unsure, unknown, stressful, out of control, exhauted.

She is just like that, now. He knows she will feel that way. He knows it well, plays it well…”

You have been a pain.

I remember you said this “No matter what you do, you will hurt, or get hurt”. There fore, i went for someone that worth my pain. There fore, i am here. There fore, i am being here, getting crazy with you but noone else.

I remember you said that i was not easy to please. Noone knows that but you. I didn’t let anyone know but you. Because you was different, because you are my pain…

Yes, you are my pain…

I probably could never forget you.  I have never been in love before. It took me such a long time to realize the feeling i got is love. It was just complicated and confused, and i have never wanted to stop caring for you. I think of you every single day, every single night, i miss you, even when you are with me; even in my sleep, you has always been there.I did love you, and i have never known it until now- when i feel this emptiness, loneliness and sadness deep down in my heart after you’ve gone. It is because you are my first love, the first one i ever really loved. You should know that, you should have known that…

You are my pain…


33 thoughts on “You have been a pain…

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