For a memory that never dies.

2 years ago, i had a blog called Art lover. It was about art, language, life, and someone i used to fall for; someone old, someone belongs to the very past. I deleted it after a while since i decided to move on and started some new things with the person who has my heart today. The relationship chain is pretty complicated then and now.

So i read all my emails for the past 2 years today and found a noticing email from wordpress about a comment on a post of mine. A comment came from someone else that used to like me. This

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Anh, i don’t know if you ever read this post but i’m sorry for all i did, i’m so sorry that i hurt you. I did like you too, maybe my feelings for you is not as strong as yours for me, but i did have some special feelings for you. I just couldn’t realize it in time nor dare to tell as my heart set on someone else. Sometimes when i think again, i know i was stupid losing you, losing someone who’s too good to be true, someone who was likes a twin to me, someone who would not hang up until i fell asleep. It is right to say love needs the right time. The one who i am dying for now often tells me “we need some certain time, with some certain people”. Maybe it was just not the right time for us, and it caused us pains  to move on and experience new things in life. I was a big kid who was crazy in love with some weird perfection i created for my own, and then you came, in an unexpected situation, in an unexpected time, played a nice melody that my silly heart could not feel, as it had a different beat. I don’t regret meeting you nor saying no; i have never regretted anything in my life. I just feel sad i pushed you away, i feel sad that i did hurt someone likes you, i feel sad that our hearts cannot beat the same beats, and i feel sad that i could never feel the love i want. It would be better if i loved you the way you loved me, but i didn’t, i loved someone else who i could never have. Even now when i have been through some different relationships with different ones, some deep, some not, i still… have never felt the love i think i derseve. Is that what i have to pay for what i did? for passing by those who truly love me and chasing those who don’t ? Perhaps it’s right….

I miss you now, i miss us, i miss somewhere that only we know. So now you don’t need to ask me how to make me miss you; as i always do, i just don’t yell it out loud….

Keep climbing all the mountains you love dude, you still need to make me a bowl of fish soup (:

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