The one who came first.

Hey rubio,

I’m sitting at the place where we often meet, everything is just the same here,  but without you. I look outside and see the tree where you often waited for me, i look around and see the vision of you everywhere; this corner, with your choc cup, that corner, with your croissant, this seat, with your smile, that seat, with your blue eyes. Is it true that i cannot get rid of you? Is that true that you haunt me this much? Is that true that you have been the only one who ever made me feel this way? I think it’s true.

I have tried but i cannot get you out of my mind. Is it too stupid to do? Yesterday, i talked to your girlfriend, ex girlfriend? current girlfriend? I don’t know and i don’t care, since it is not my business and it’s you and her, not you and me. I have to ask myself why i have never been the one who came first? I have never been that person who got the newest bread in the morning, i have never been that person who can come to see the doctor first, i have never been the first one who can get the brand new book, and i have never been the first girl who met you. Sometimes i wonder how would it be if i am the one you meet first. Will you stay? Will you truly be the one i need? Will everything be different? Maybe yes, maybe no if destiny wants us so.

She said you cried, she cried, you both cried. I cannot stand knowing you cry, even i know you have cried before. But what can i do? What can i ever do when i am not the one you cried with? What can i do when we don’t know each other anymore? If i say i want you to be with her, i’m a liar. Although i have never wanted us to have an official relationship, but i still want you to be mine. I’m selfish. Your girl asked me if she should continue with you, at first i was shaking, saying no with all the words i could think of. But then later, i told her to listen to her heart, cause whatever it could be, she will always have my blessings. She will be a lucky one if she has you, i can guarantee that. I want you to be happy, and you will have my blessings too no matter what we did and what we were before.

I think i have loved you.


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