A year later

They say that each song we listen to represents a feeling we have for a specific person.
If so,
You’re the whole album of Goo Goo Dolls.
Their songs tear my heart apart.
A year later,
I still drive alone on the street
At 10pm,  tears streaming down on my cheek
I still feel the spring breeze in my hair
Cold night air scratches my scar
My eyes are still wet
Seeing someone likes you on the street
My heart still keeps a beat
Thinking of all the memories we had.
My hands are shaking, 
Touching everything left of us
It still hurts whenever I think of you
Memories don’t die,  they’re just vague.
I can still hear the vendor yelling in a strange language on Khao San road
Smell the BBQ from the sidewalk
Breath the city breeze in my lungs
Feel the warmth,  and then the pain.
The love died.
That love died.
Memories survive.
Pains are mine.
I don’t love you,  I don’t hate you.
I’m irrelevant,  but I wish you happy.
Because you deserve that,  I still believe so.
Just one thing,  I could never forget how you destroyed my faith in love, 
And gave me such a hard time building my vulnerable self again in loving someone else
I could never forget how you built up my doubt because of my own obsession from our experience,  so the one who comes later could never see my love as pure as how it was back then
I could never forget how painful it was to open up my heart to let someone in and cry my heart out seeing the person who comes later struggling with my bitter side. He doesn’t deserve that.
I don’t blame you,  I forgive.
Im just hurt, but thank you for that Tigrito,
I now know what real love is like.


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