Irritation.

I lie on the bed at night
Wondering whom I really am
Feel like i’m
Going out everyday under someone else’s skin
Walking with someone else’s feet
Kissing without those lips of my own,  
Love is expressed with the physical body.
I’m trapped,  stuck,  struggling with a body that makes me tired and judged, 
With a desire that I don’t want
With the stupid acts that I don’t hope for
With the sickness that I never ask for.
With the irrational  unwanted feelings and unstable emotion.
…..
I see myself
Sitting in a dark room
Water drop,  dripping on the floor
The sound echoes
The cold air cuts my skin
The pressure presses down on my bruises
The eyes are blind,  tears are stuck inside the globe
The heart is vulnerable,  the land is dried.
The soul is tied,  the feathers are lying on earth.
…..
Seeing you through the screen cutting my heart into pieces
Thinking of losing you one day makes me hurt in a stupid way.
I just know,  I’m not the one.
I’m not that perfect one who is always fun to be with.
I’m vulnerable and sensitive as f*ck.
I’m not that strong to going through sh*t sometimes, 
I’m falling apart inside.
Everything irritates me,  using too many “I” pisses me off.
Not making you happy pisses me off
Seeing myself being paranoid about an unknown future without you, pisses me off
Seeing myself broken in pieces inside,  pisses me off.
I love,  and I’m lonely,  and I’m anxious
I don’t know who I am,  but then I’m the one who knows the most…
Knife can help,  scars are pleasure, freedom is important…

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