She sits alone in the dark, watching the rain falling down over the window. The view is not romantic, but lonely. Seeing the raindrops fall down on the wet wall, She suddenly sees herself touching the window glass, waiting for him while it was pouring outside.
It was also a spring day, same month, perhaps same day,she can´t recall. She can still smell that wet April after the rain, She can still see those grey clouds above my head, her lips taste the sweetness of the mango tea and his finger tips on her arm remain the same.She remembers how much she hated him, how irritated and annoyed he made her felt at first.
” We are from different worlds….
I remember the first time you cooked for me, sitting on the edge of the bed, sharing a big plate of food, you curiously asked me if i liked it. I perhaps… kept watching TV and ignoring your lame jokes.
I remember the first time you gave me your jacket when it rained hard outside. I went home, under the rain, i was not sure if it was the coldness of the rain or your smell on the jacket that made me cry. That night, you told me to sleep well.
I remember the first time i drew you with the sunglasses on and the brightest smile, you turned away and your eyes smiled. Making dinner for two while i was taking a shower, you were happy. Then I …. broke the container of your favorite green candle in the bathroom. You cleaned it up and fed me chicken salad.
I remember the first time we walked under the moon light, the second time, the third time, the n time. We talked, and talked, from the big world to the most inner thought, we stop there. We never went further than that. We knew the other had a past, but we have never wanted to know about that in details. You spent hours to tell me what to do with my career, my health and my life, but my love. You told me that you knew, that i didn´t need to say anything.
I remember how you told me to go to bed early everynight
I remember the kisses, the touches, the laughter and the glance.
I remember that first time you said that you remembered me,
I remember the secret quick kiss on the lips in a windy night.
I remember how tight you hugs were whenever i went away.
I remember how possessive you showed whenever we were alone together.
I remember the way you said i was the only one.
I remember how i mocked the way you lied.
I remember how you explained everything,
I remember how confused you were seeing me crying, you got me tea and candies.
I remember everything, i remember all.
I see us, sitting next to each other, in silence, looking at our reflections on the window glass, watching all the cars and bikes honking below. We don´t know where to start, where to end, don´t know when it began, when it finishes. We live for the moment, refuse the past, ignore the future. The presence is a present…
Seeing people being together and apart, seeing myself being broken and healed. How can your mind walk away when your heart is not yet closed? How can you give it up when your heart is on fire? …”
Her mind has been wandering for too long, it needs some sleep.