I am still the same.

Hey, I am still the same.

The girl sitting across you, stirring the mango tea with a broken heart and a messy brain

I was so lost. I am now.

I was so sad, guess it has not been any better.

I was so depressed, guess i just hide it better.

I was so broken, i have not been able to pick up all the pieces since then.

Hey, I am still the same.

Still cry at night, still lost in my ocean of thoughts.

Still tough and sarcastic as fuck

i am still stuck, and i don’t give a fuck

You never ask me if i am happy, well , done

I have never been, everything is temporary.

I have a job that kills all my time

the students that are too spoiled,

the colleagues that keep talking about shit

the ridiculous academic boss

a boyfriend that i have only met twice

Everything look nice, But i have always had to hide

I, simply want to be the kid sitting on the side of the bed, eating the homemade salad while the curtain is opened, so she can see the moon shines through darkness.

Many thing i have to confess,

and then again it’s just stress

Get me undressed, don’t be like the rest

i am not served in set….

 

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You.

I’m exhausted,

My body aches

And my heart misses you.

My fingers ache for your skin

My breasts ache to be under your heavy chest

My arms ache to be touched with your toned arms

My cheeks ache to feel your face

My sense aches to smell you,

My body  aches,  to be touched.

My heart,  aches to be felt.

My brain hurts,  confusing scenario,

Too much possibilities that a simple math equation can’t solve the probability

My brain is frozen,  seeing your golden eyes through the windows of memory.

That broken laptop of yours and me,

We have something in common.

We are touched,  but can never touch you

We are seen,  but can never see you.

You,  make my tears streaming down

Make my heart broke,

Make my soul unwhole…..

Sunrise

The clock on your wall, stops

it’s at 9.

Norah Jones said it looks like morning in your eyes,

I wonder.

The clock on your wall, no more ticking.

The curtain falls, you open.

Sunset, now lies on your face, the whole world is in your eyes.

Sad sun light, dances on my face.

Surprise, in my eyes.

The distance between us, looks like a deep cut.

My heart,

where to put?

The clock on your wall, stops.

That sounds annoys your morning sun

Just like me annoying your fun.

 

 

Before midnight 

I curl up in bed, 

bare skin under the sheet, being crushed into pieces.

My body aches, my soul hurts.

All the pressure that brings me down under,

is nothing,

I just need you, the real you, the vulnerable you, the sickening you, the sarcastic you, the you in my world.

I fool myself in an honest world that is full of lies,

all the butterflies turn into dried leaves that fly

the sweet honeybee are just bitter wax

the sour candies ended up being too spicy that my throat is torn

the rain drops hop on my cheek, salty

you know what do you have in common with them?

they feel real, but they are not real.

our life won’t be sealed.

those pains will never be healed. 

But,

days like this,

I just crave you. Your hugs, your kisses, your warm skin

I crave that moment to lie on the same bed with you, being separated by an invisible border

I crave,

to reach out my hand and draw a line on your spine,

to touch your skin and kiss it with real love

to look straight into your eyes and being able to tell you how do i love

to hug you from behind in your t-shirt and kiss that shoulders from behind

to be loved, just once,

to be loved by you.

Blood and Pablo

Waking up in a summer day,

 

I pour my blood on the white paper,

I pour my heart out, fermented in time

Chop my body off every night

Disintegrate my soul when I’m high

Cut my own throat saying I love you

Plunge the knife of truth in  my own heart

My brain can’t stop searching for you.

I keep myself busy the whole time

Lying to myself with shitty lies

The chaotic circle i can never get out

Time is running out,

My blood is dried

That blood stain on the white paper,

Remind me of your smile under the starry night

In a windy night

On the busy street

You are all over me

And i am just not over you.

Reading the saddest lines of Pablo,

 

“Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.”

Amor, vendo mi alma por ti….