Good bye, for good :)

And you wanted to drive up on the bridge in a windy day. We stood there for hours. You told me about your life here and there. I saw plastic bags flying in the air, the river flowing slowly under us. I was scared, that one day I would forget how it feels like to lean my shoulders on your chest while your fingers untangle my hairs. I’m not good at keeping memories, my brain somehow stupidly drops off your scent, your smile and even my thought of you some where on the way I go. But I am good at keeping the pain, everytime I think of what you said, why we did and how you walked away, my brain hurts. It’s difficult for me trying to balance everything in life and putting my heart in the right place. My head spins, my heart is shattered, I know life is not all about gazing stars and smelling grass at night. Life is not even about how intimate we can get behind the locked door but how we embrace the world. I appreciate the memory, but I also take it as a lesson. You taught me how to grow and live with pain, and never sacrificing for anything but happiness and security. It was a long journey, I can’t even count all the nights we walked together just to hear those little crickets singing the song of nature inside the bushes. I can’t remember how many times I left your place feeling completely empty and missing you. I  can’t remember exactly how many times I drove home wondering how you feel about me. But  they’re not important any more. I decide to end this sad song I’ve been playing  for the last 2 years. I know I’m not good, even at good bye. I now know how you feel, hear what you say, see what you do. So let me keep a part of us as a melancholy that makes my heart aches everytime I think of you. Goodbye, this time is for good…. 🙂


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