Thousand questions.

I stay up at 3 in the morning, wondering what I do and who I am.

I can’t go back to sleep,

My head screams

Me,

Me,

Me,

Where is the Me that stays in the We?

My heart squeezes through the lies, 

Nothing else this heart can’t hide 

Nothing else this heart can tie.

I think of myself, being faded into consumption, modernity, community, humanity, 

Family,

Life,

I think I owe this life,

I might,

I don’t know if I own it or owe it.

But  my brain working so hard to see the real meaning of life.

I’m desperate to see what life really is

I’m depressed to meet the life I want to see

I feel bad for my own self because of the self destructive way of finding the meaning of an obvious journey that I’m already a part of it.

I feel bad for my heart, dropping its inner peace and some of its parts on the way I chose. 

I dropped the inner peace somewhere.

I see labels on things that are unlabeled pretentiously.

I see unreality from the reality 

I feel cold seeing close bonds between family members

I feel warm being just myself in a cold day

What do I want? What am I? 

I feel like a wild beast in a civilized city,

My heart’s gone wild, my brain hurts.

I  thought I would forget, 

I thought I would move on.

But why do the sunsets still make my hearts so empty and hurt deep down?

Seeing the photos bring pain to my brain.

I want a busy working day then running back to you.

I want quiet afternoon with the sun going down outside a locked dark room.

I want gloomy day with a shattered heart, driving by all the quiet places I can.

But then again, that’s simply not the life I’m seeking for.

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