Something just like this. 

I want to walk with you again, 

On the bridge with just us there

Showing me the whole city below, 

The light sparkling in the dark. 

The stars were up high,

Kissing me on the lips, 

Saying nothing, you brought me to eternity.

My heart wanted to sing, 

A song for just two of us, 

A song of nothing but pure love. 

I’m not who I am when I’m around you, 

My body is weak, my feet are trembling walking next to you. 

My heart is vulnerable, my brain knows nothing but that I’m in love. 

All these journeys I chose, just to be silent next to you, 

All the work I put myself through, just to be with you, 

All the tough tasks, all the lies, all the cakes that Noone else can have, 

I took them all, I devoured all, 

All the toxic cakes Noone else could ever stand. 

I watched myself bleeding, leaving my net, cutting myself off from the herd, I followed my heart like a black sheep. 

I burned myself down just for a walk at night with you. 

What are you? A new ideology I live for? 

This madness is perhaps, stronger than what I devoted for….

The room

The new room is hot and humid. They haven’t installed any AC or fan, only the spring breeze secretly touch our bare back. I lie on my stomach, with my right cheek touching the cool white floor, looking at you through my left eye.

My David, my beautiful statue in the museum, my secret naked protagonist of a hidden scene, you’re sweating, smiling with me. 

You’re that forbidden creature whom I touch like worshiping a creator. 

You create me, inside the bubble of your selfish love. 

I can’t stop my fingers from running down your spine. 

I can’t stop looking at you, I can’t stop loving what I’m looking at.

 I hug you from behind, feel your warm body through the thin blanket, I kiss your back, feel like I know everything about you, feel like I’m touching your eyebrows, yours eyes, your nose, your desirable lips, your Adam apple, your chest, your abs, your pride left of a naked human being.

 You lie there, the moonlight streams down on your face, the night covers me, darkness covers us. 

Pleasure fills up the room, emptiness fills in my heart. 

Touching me at the core of human being, bring out all the chaos in me, crush my ego,  break my heart into pieces, you’re the master of destruction. 

You burn me down and build me up, like the phoenix rises from the ash, 

Let me, cave the ink on your skin. 

Let me, scar my heart in the beauty of sadness and self destruction. 

Let me, once embed my name on your sleeves. 

Don’t erase me, don’t enslave me. 

Don’t leave me alone with my solitude,

Don’t leave me cover in dust. 

Don’t let the time fly, just stay there, on the floor, looking at me with your sad eyes, being naked for me, 

So once in a life time, I have you. 

Trouble sleeping 

And we keep lying to ourselves, 

Cutting the wound deeper than it should be, 

A deep sigh in the sadness of a rainy afternoon 

I cry for that scar of mine, was not yet healed, is now opened. 

Wonder why would I even be here, stretching myself in your bed, touching your warm body 

Feeling your heart beats fast on my chest, 

You breath into me, your sweat is my tear. 

You don’t want to make me feel sad, I don’t want to make you feel bad. 

I just want to cut of the line, turn down the page,

Then, 

I wake up, again, 

From the night mare of a perfect dream in my fantasy. 

No

I would sit in front of you the whole afternoon,  guessing what the universe feels like behind those glasses. 

Life is full of curiosity,  you can’t stop questioning why the weather is nice today whereas I can only sit still and be overwhelmed by the natural beauty. 

I would walk next to you until my feet bleed in happiness,  hearing the wind whispers in my ears what my heart can’t let you feel. 

I would stand on the other side of the bridge, capturing you in my own world when you you wave at me. I know you never belong to me. 

I would be there under the sunset watching the dark covers everything around me and my eyes are full of tears like how the water goes up after a long afternoon. 

I would secretly stare at you when you talk,  wishing time to stop. I don’t know what could I do without you,  even I can always live without you. 

Take me to your bed,  undress me,  torment me with the pleasure of lust and the delusion of love.  

Hold me once,  let me be in your embrace. 

But no, 

You, you’re the knife,  you’re the bandage,  you’re nothing but a curse and a cure.

What you cannot see. 

My friend posted a photo of her boyfriend on instagram,  saying “what you cannot see,  is that he smiles because I make cookies for him…”. It makes me think, after all the photographs I have of you,  will you,  or me,  or anybody else knows the story behind it? Would I remember why would I take that photo when I look at it again? Would I be able to remember how thing was back then? I don’t know,  time is cruel,  I just hope that I do…

I have many photos of a man I used to date, photo of the coffee he made,  the sandwiches we ate together,  the cinema we went to; photo of his hand,  holding mine under the coffee table; photos of him from behind while he was cooking for me; and, no photos of us. It was sad. 

And I have photos of you,  your bike,  your street,  the food you make for me; photo of you smiling,  being unaware of a sudden shot; photo of you cooking; photo of me taken by you; and more photos of you, and you alone. But what Noone else can see,  is that you had that big smile because you tried to make me laugh,  because you felt comfortable with me,  and because we laughed together. 

So, what else that you cannot see from your photograph? Perhaps an ending that no one else knows? :)… 

You ruin me

I found myself on a stranger’s bed, 

Lying to myself that I am fine without you

Kissing the new lips,  touching another skin,  running my fingers on a body that’s not yours 

I didn’t cry.

I miss your skin. I miss your lips on me,  your warm hand on my skin. 

I think of you in every kiss,  every touch,  every thrust. 

My body is tired,  but my mind misses you. 

Knowing that you’re nothing but poison for my heart. 

Knowing that you never love but ruin me

I have run on this race for too long,

I don’t think that I can keep being strong. 

I’m no longer the sarcastic girl stirring the mango tea. 

I’m now vulnerable,  fragile,  weak and naked in front of you. 

All these years, you ruin me well… 

You drag me to hell, 

I have no soul left to sell. 

So I guess it’s a goodbye. Let me be free, I’m not the cool pretty girl you know anymore. 

You ruin her,  for me.